I want to stay. I do.
But every time I see you, every time I close my eyes, every time I think of you, I remember. Your arms around him, holding so tightly. Your lips pressed on his. Your eyes, soft and affectionate, as you gaze at him. My eyes open wide in surprise. My foot halted in mid-step. My breath rushing out of my lungs. My heart breaking ringing in my ears in that dark silent hallway.
I want to tell you how I feel but I already know what you’ll say. You’ll tell me we’ll still be friends. That you’ll still love me. Just not in the same way as I do you. So I won’t say anything. Because even though I know how you feel, I don’t want to hear those words from you.
And that’s why I have to go. I know that if I stay, I’ll blurt out my true feelings for you. And somehow destroy our friendship. Because I can’t be around you and know that you don’t feel the same. I can’t see you with him without my heart suffering. As much as I can’t imagine not having you in my life, I know that I won’t survive this heartbreak if I stay by your side.
And maybe someday, when I’ve grown stronger, when my feeling for you have dimmed, I’ll come back.
Garnet Writes 